I Shouldn't Be Laughing

Okay, so I stole another "essay" from my mom's folder. First, let me preface this by saying that I'm pretty sure this was written by someone who didn't grow up speaking English. I could be wrong--but God, I hope not. And since I didn't master (or even get close to understanding) either of the languages I took in high school or college, I probably shouldn't even be laughing at this. I'm sure that one of my French papers is floating around some French blog somewhere, and a bunch of French people are all having a good laugh. Or snapping their fingers. Or throwing baguettes. You know, whatever French people do when they're amused.

With that in mind, I'm going to share two genuine paragraphs from this essay.


Ladies and Gentleman, I give you two paragraphs of SPOOKY HOUSE.




I like walk in a mountain after dinner, the reason why, when I walk in a mountain such as walk around, I can breath fresh air, here bird sing and see beautiful landscape. Last week, I had dinner in my house before I walked in a mountain. Actually, I always walk same way. I want to find new way; a place untouched by human foot, that so I took the other way. I had no idea it will give me spooky house.

. . .

In the morning I waked up. I just looked around in this room that is so clean and white. I went down the stairs it was very old wood. So it made strange sound. I looked around house, it's so wonderful. It was designed antique.that is just my dream house even though it's old house. After I was going my home I asked to a guard of mountain what spooky house is. He didn't know this house is the mountain. He looked at me such as insane. So we went into mountain to spooky house. When we went that location it's not house. It just has too many trees. He turned deathly pale with fright. He said one architect killed himself in here. he was so poor and had great architectural design. So he was selling this design. But it was stolen. And then he chose died in here.

The End.

. . .

I know, I know. It's not fair to make jokes about this person because clearly English isn't his first language. Or second, even. But there are some things in life you just can't help snickering at, even when you shouldn't.

Big people playing (and consequently falling off) the Dance Dance Revolution game, for example. Or fainting goats. Or that time when John Madden inadvertently drew naughty shapes on Monday Night Football. Shouldn't be funny. But it is.

In the defense of Spooky House, however, he at least came up with an interesting story. Somewhere on that French Blog, they're probably being forced to read my essay, "My Name A Stephanie, With Fashion Top Designer Pants."