Ladies, imagine you're at a killer party when someone suggests a moonlight swim. Problem: all you have under your clothes is that $90 Victoria Secret matching bra and panty set (which no one has seen since the day you purchased it, unless you count that evil old bitch in your building that takes all of your wet laundry and throws it on the floor because she doesn't have time to sit around and wait for you to empty the washer when she could be doing better things like watching Matlock and trying not to die in her sleep.) Why wear those unbelievably expensive, sexy undergarments that were clearly not meant to be viewed by anyone when you can wear Swim-Eeze disposable swimsuits?
Note the "elastic arm and neck openings for a comfort fit." And better yet, the "attractive 'O' cut in the back," designed to allow pool water to enter the suit and fill up the baggy, bunchy area right around the ass. There are five sizes for the perfect fit, which should perfectly hug your nipples, flow around your midsection like a garbage bag around a Christmas ham and then taper in for an elegant camel-toe.
According to the website, Swim-Eeze are made from high-quality DuPont Tyvek fabric so you can reuse them many times. And they are guaranteed to prevent skinny-dipping. Huzzah! Take it from me: Swim-Eeze will be the IT item on the 2008 summer party scene. Who would want to be seen swimming in lacy, cleavage-enhancing undergarments (or worse, in the nude) when you could be wearing an enormous shower cap with leg holes?
The demand is gonna be enormous, so I suggest you preorder yours today at www.swimeeze.com.
2 comments:
Can you say "Paper Swimsuit"? Ah. Good times!
Am I the only one who finds this concept EVEN HOTTER after reading the third paragraph? I mean, I get that it's a tongue-in-cheek "recommendation," but I have to admit, you make a pretty compelling argument there, Steph...
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