Okay, I realize that many of my posts make me sound like embittered, bat-shit-crazy spinster-in-training. And this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, I couldn't be happier with the way things are right now.
However, I'm starting to wonder if I was the best person to have been given the task of arranging the activities at one of my best friend’s upcoming bridal showers. It seems like a simple enough endeavor, sure. But after researching bridal shower games for, oh, about five minutes, I think I might throw my computer at someone’s face.
The first site I visited allowed users to contribute their own stellar suggestions for bridal shower games. What a great concept! Shiny, happy people sharing super fun ideas on how to keep bridal shower guests entertained! There’s just one small problem: most people are idiots and should not be allowed to share their ideas with anyone.
Like Maggie M., who was kind enough to lend us this flaming turd of a bridal game:
First kiss
contributed by Maggie M.
Everyone remembers their first kiss. The bride should start by telling the story of the first time she and her fiance kissed. Each guest can then tell their story of their first kiss with their husband or boyfriend. If there are younger guests, they can tell a story of how they imagine that their first kiss will be like. Everyone can vote on the most romantic story and the funniest!
Fantastic! Let’s all sit around and tell kissing stories. I’m sure my mom, who will be in attendance, will want to know exactly how many shots of tequila it took for me to assault a helpless guy’s face for the first time. I’m a shoo-in for most romantic! Oh, and sitting through twenty to thirty other guests’ stories will be a hoot! I’ll be ready to make out with the tailpipe of a Nova in no time!
We need something a little more exciting. Looks like Katherine S. has just the trick.
Hit the target
contributed by Katherine S.
This is a partner game. one person hold a roll of toilet paper between the knees. The other person holds a broom or stick between the knees while thier eyes are covered or blindfolded. The person with the toilet paper graps their partner hands and guide them to getting the stick in the hole of the toilet paper. The partners who does it in the fastest time wins. This can be done one at a time or pair up the partners to see who wins first.
What a delight! I can’t wait to see the bride’s grandmother simulating sex with a broomstick. What is wrong with you, Katherine (besides some obvious shortcomings in the spelling and grammar department)? I think you’re confusing “bridal shower games” with “scary swingers orgy icebreakers.”
The apron game
contributed by Melissa R.
Buy an apron and have the bridal party buy lots of utensils to pin on the apron. Make them practical and a couple of things they would never think of buying until they need them. Pin all of the items on the apron. Have the bride wear the apron in front of all of the guests. Have her walk around the room for about 2 minutes. Then have the bride go into another room and have the guests try to list as many things as they can remember seeing pinned to the brides apron. The person with the most wins! Then tell the bride she gets to keep the apron!!
Here, bride-to-be, have an apron covered in crap! It will help remind you that you’re trading your single life in for one of indentured domestic servitude. We’re also going to throw in a butter churner and an iron washboard. Thanks Melissa R., for setting womankind back about half a century.
Still, not the worst idea of the bunch. As you will see, that honor goes to Jammy.
Smell the herbs
contributed by jammy
Take 10 styrofoam cups and fill them with 10 different herbs. Place aluminum foil over the top with a small whole in the center. Pass around the cups and let everyone smell the herbs (no peeking) and whoever gets the most right wins.
WHAT? Smell the Herbs? Who gives a flying fecal bomb about herbs? What does smelling herbs have to do with weddings—or anything, for that matter? Who would find this kind of activity fun? Listen, my Gramma is about to turn 80 and I bet if someone tried to make her play “Smell the Herbs”, she’d go all kinds of Steven Segal crazy, flip the table of rosemary and thyme over, then tell everyone to man up for Beer Pong. I’ve never seen her drink beer, mind you (or flip a table over, for that matter) but I guarantee you that even my mild-mannered Gramma would have a violent reaction to a game that lame.
This isn’t perpetual-bridesmaid bitterness, folks. It can’t be! There’s no way in Hell that I’m the only one who thinks these are horrible, bridal-shower-ruining ideas undoubtedly created by terrorists.
Right?
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1 comment:
LOL.
then there's the ever-popular "between the sheets" Someone secretly jots down misc. comments made by attendees and reads them aloud later on to the group. Watch Grandma blush when she hears herself quoted,"You have to pound it really hard...between the sheets."
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