Coming Up With A New Marshmallow

They did it again. The Lucky Charms people added another meaningless marshmallow to my favoritest breakfast cereal of all time. This time it's an hourglass. A freakin' hourglass. Here's the incredibly vapid press release announcing the new marshmallow.


What the hell is lucky about an hourglass? Aren't they usually associated with time running out or aging? Oh and Black Widows? And that's when I realized that the last, oh I don't know, TEN MARSHMALLOWS didn't have anything to do with luck either. I started to wonder about the marshmallow creation process. Who was doing this and why were they so goddamn bad at it? This is how I'm picturing it:

Guy 1: They want us to come up with another marshmallow, bro.

Guy 2: No, are you serious? SHIT!

Guy 1: Yea, totally serious. And they want it, like, in five minutes or something.



Guy 2: SHIT! We are totally hosed, dude. Totally hosed. It took us like a week to come up with the red balloon. Like a whole week, bro!



Guy 1: Alright, alright, you're freaking me out! I CAN'T THINK LIKE THIS!



Guy 2: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!



Guy 1: Wait! What about a rabbit's foot? Those are lucky.

Guy 2: Tried it, man. PETA was all over us. Plus the Trix people got all pissy. Said it was a personal attack.



Guy 1: Man. Okay...what about a...a...rock?

Guy 2: What the hell's lucky about a rock??

Guy 1: Like a lucky rock? I don't know! JESUS! I'm trying here!



Guy 2: Sorry, man. Sorry. Okay...so how's about a blue diamond?



Guy 1: That's been in the cereal since '75. What is wrong with you, bro?

Guy 2: I'm just freaking out right now!! I can't think!

Guy 1: I've got it. A marshmallow shaped like just a marshmallow. A lucky marshmallow.

Guy 2: That's...actually not bad. We should probably present more than one idea, though.

Guy 1: But we're running out of time, dude!

Guy 2: THAT'S IT! An hourglass!

Guy 1: YES!! Wait. Are hourglasses lucky?

Guy 2: This one is. It lets you control time. And if you can control time, you can control...

BOTH: ...your LUCK!

Guy 1: Brilliant! Dude, we're so freakin' amazing. Let's get 'em on the phone...