What Plague Will Jacobs Field Bring Tonight

We all remember Game 2 (the second game of the series held at the Jake) in the Yankees Series, in which a horde of gnats descended from the Heavens and onto the infield. The wild pitch, the tying run, Derek Jeter hopping around the field like a little bitch--it was truly a thing of beauty.


So what matter of curses, if any, can we expect tonight, as we play the second of a three-game stint at the Jake? Gnats were fun, but I think Cleveland can do better. Much better.


Top 3 Misfortunes that could Befall the Red Sox


The Curse of the Tower City Food Court

Earlier in the day, the Red Sox have a brief moment to grab some sustenance. In a rush, they head down to the Team Diner Food Court. Not wanting to wait, Ortiz and Ramirez head straight for guy with the free samples of teriyaki something-or-other, making a meal out of the entire tray of bite-sized mystery meat. Neither one will make it to the game...or the pregame meeting...or batting practice...or to the Team Diner bathroom. Tribe wins 3-1.

The Curse of the Drumming Guy

It's been a big year for the guy who sits under the scoreboard and endlessly thumps his giant drum. He got to throw out the first pitch at the opening of the Yankees series, and now he will single-handedly deliver the Tribe to the World Series. In the middle of a feverish rat-a-tat-tat, one of his drumsticks will go rogue, soaring onto the infield and becoming pierce the flask full of Bacardi 151 Slider keeps somewhere underneath that purple mess. The Bacardi 151 immediately ignites, causing a panic. Trying to redeem himself as a past Cleveland hero, Manny jumps on Slider and attempts to put out the flames. Instead, his ridiculous cornrows become engulfed. Eventually, a beer vendor extinguishes the flames ($13.50 worth of Budweiser, mind you) but Manny is forced to sit out of the game and team morale hits a new low. Tribe wins 18-2.

The Curse of the Horny Lumberjacks

Attracted to the 3-inch thick mound of pine tar stuck on half of their batting order, a throng of lusty lumberjacks will rush the field and start humping the Red Socks with reckless abandon. Shreds of Sox uniforms and plaid flannel with fly into the air like confetti, and the game will have to be delayed for a good hour as the Brawny army is subdued and the Red Sox batters are allowed to shower quickly and ice themselves down a bit before having to finish the game. Tribe wins 8-2.

Okay, maybe the gnats were better. With the predicted precipitation, who knows--they might be up for an encore.