Mom Gets In On The Action

Despite being given the difficult (read: mother-effin-impossible) task of teaching a gang of Robitussin-swilling hillbillies to string together some semblance of a paragraph, Mom seems to be in good spirits. Sure, she still spends most of her time curled up in the sink, rocking back and forth, petting a ball of steel wool and muttering to no one in particular. But it could be worse, right?

Anyway, she responded to my last post and I thought I'd share it with all of you. If anything, it should give you a little more insight into how I've become the kind of person I am today: a snarky, ornery little harpy.


English by the Numbers

*Number of students on my roster – 11
*Number of students who actually attend the first class – 5
*Number of students who proudly proclaim to have a learning disability which will require that I give them three extra weeks to write those ridiculously long 15 sentence essays that I assign – 5
*Number of students who self-disclose to everyone in class that they have recently been incarcerated – 1
*Number of times during 90-minute class that Mr. McMugshot reminds us that he did time in the slammer – 12
*Number of authority figures that I suspect Mr. McMugshot has killed – also 12
*Number of students sporting satanic tattoos – 5
*Number of students with illegitimate children – 4
*Number of students' illegitimate children sporting satanic tattoos who have recently been incarcerated – I don’t know. But they, too, are destined to be in my class someday.
*Number of students who can write a complete sentence – 0
*Number of students who have completed a sentence – 2
*Number of students who think they are being polite by keeping their cell phone calls in class under 15 minutes while I am lecturing –2
*Number of students employed – 3
*Number of students who own a car – 1
*Number of students who have stolen a car – 4
*Number of students who have purchased the book? – “Book? What book? There’s a book for this class?”
*Number of students who have been booked – 3
*Number of students who admit to cutting class – 5
*Number of students who admit to cutting throats – 2
*Number of students who pray daily for a good education – 0
*Number of students who will pray daily for me to die a horrible death – all of them