The good people at Best Week Ever have opened my eyes to a whole new kind of animal abuse. It's called Competitive Horse Dancing, but in this girl's humble opinion, it's the craziest damn thing I've ever seen (aside from that Japanese game show where the young girls had to wear strip steaks on their forehead and stick their head into an iguana cage. Don't believe me? Watch it.) It also trumps men's wrestling and nude leapfrog as the gayest sport on Earth.
There's a lot going on in this six-minute routine, but there are two things I just can't get over. One, the fact that there are more people in the stands than there were during the Diamondbacks Rockies playoff series. And secondly, the announcers! Oh, you just have to hear them. They make Scott Hamilton at the Winter Olympics sound like he's calling the World's Strongest Lumberjack contest on ESPN 2. These guys must get a handful of Quaaludes and a feather boa before each routine. There are too many highlights, but here is one of my favorite exchanges, uttered about three minutes into the clip:
ANNOUNCER 1: Well it's not often that I'm lost for words, but, ahhh, it's one of those moments now. I think that it's just absolutely sensational.
ANNOUNCER 2: You just sit back and enjoy it.
ANNOUNCER 1: (long pause) Ohh.
Tap tap. "Excuse me? You're two grown men. Watching another grown man on a horse that's stepping to the beat of Lady Marmalade. And you're groveling. Just wanted to let you know. Okay then, carry on."
Please have a look. Proof that when it comes to strange competitive sports, the Brits are putting the Japanese to shame.
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